Daily Bread

There are some days when the air is just right, or a scent drifts in from somewhere unexpected that makes me wonder, when was the last time I ever ate my grandmother's homemade bread?

All throughout childhood, that was a call to action. 'Let's go see Grandma for some bread and butter!' I would sit up straighter in the car, staring out the window in anticipation of that fresh bread with butter perfectly spread across the top.

Grandma and Grandpa lived just down the road. A fifteen minute walk at best, if we strolled and didn't just hoof it. But days when she made fresh bread, who had the patience to walk? Stomachs would be growling the whole way!

Oh the aroma when we'd walk in that door. In fact, before we ever hit the first step, it would envelope us. The scent of a dozen fresh baked loaves lined up on the counter beneath soft cotton towels. Could anything else smell so welcoming? So completely rooted in all that was good?

I'd run up the steps and past Grandpa's horse tack and cowboy hats hanging on the wall. Grandma Lela would be standing there, a tall willowy women crowned with white hair. Light blue striped blouse open at the color. Comfortable slacks, no doubt made of polyester. Red house slippers... and a green apron faded not because of age, but because of the flour it had trapped in its strands.

"Wellll Aimeebaby! Look what your Grandma has made today. Would you like a piece of bread and butter? Or will it be peanut butter and honey today?"

I would hoist myself up onto a barstool at the long bar in the kitchen (I rarely remember ever sitting at the actual dining table. The counter top bar was where we all congregated) and depending on the day, the decision was easy. If the bread had been made that very day, then it would be butter only. Nothing to overpower the flavor of that mouthwatering bread. If it were a few days after the fact, or even a couple of weeks and the bread had been thawed out of the freezer...then peanut butter and honey was a thrill. Not mixed together mind you! They had to be two distinct layers, so I could look through the honey like a stained glass window, to see the slight ridges that the knife had left in the creamy peanut butter below.

"Just butter please!" I'd say, and in a moment I would be handed a thick slice of Grandma's bread (at the very least, the same thickness as TWO slices of store bought bread) , topped with real butter. The kind that she kept in a butter dish on the counter, so it was always soft and spreadable.

Grandma and Mom would then get their own slices of bread and fall into easy conversation. I would just sit there, completely immersed in the joy of Grandma's creation. I had watched her make it before. It was a process I marveled at. Beginning before dawn, she would get out the big silver bowl and would soon be pounding her small fists into a giant, puffy conglomeration of dough. Every now and then I would ask for a tiny piece to play with, and she would rip me off a chunk. I would taste it every time, just to roll that yeasty flavor over my tongue.

For years, Grandma never bought bread from the store. I guess that is why I was always amused that she kept her bread in the plastic sleeves that came off store bought bread! Western Family, Wonderbread, you name it...she had the plastic sleeves. Saved from whatever family member had the audacity to bring a loaf of that tasteless, thin stuff into her house. So with the flare of humor that Grandma always had, she'd keep her heavenly bread in these bags. Even bakeries couldn't touch the flavor that they kept safe.

As I got older, these days became few and far between. Every now and then, I would spy an actual loaf of store bought sitting on the counter. When Grandma baked, it was an event never to be missed. "Someday she might not have the energy to do it anymore," my Mom would say, and I would be hard pressed to imagine it.

I wish I could say that I remembered the last day I ate Grandma's bread. That I could close my eyes and recall the afternoon, and what we talked about. Alas, like so many subtle things in life, the memory of the actual 'last time' has slipped away because I was blissfully unaware that it was a moment never to be repeated. I know I must have savored it as I always did, I know Grandma must have looked as lovely and proud as ever. I know it was the epitome of being at Grandma's house, engulfed in the very essence of good, simple food and the love of the person who made it for me.

But perhaps in my own way, I do remember it. Maybe that's why during the passage of a year... out of the blue the air will be just right, and a scent will drift in from somewhere unexpected, and I will find myself dreaming of Grandma's kitchen... the countertop bar, and a thick slice of bread with soft butter.